


growing pains

by glittermerm



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 03:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20557700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittermerm/pseuds/glittermerm
Summary: nothing can stay the same, it's growing pains





	growing pains

Sometimes Junhoe gets this odd twitch in his chest when he looks at Jiwon. The first time it happened was the day they met. Jiwon clearly hadn’t liked him then. At least, he hadn’t been happy to see Junhoe, and from then on Junhoe was never really sure where he stood with the other boy.

Even years later, the awkwardness lingered. Jiwon doted on him, loved him, but Junhoe still felt like that young, shy boy, being rejected. He didn’t blame Jiwon. He had always been able to see how close Jinhwan, Hanbin, and Jiwon were, and if he had a friendship like that, he wouldn’t be happy with someone intruding. But still, a small thorn felt stuck in his heart. 

He distanced himself from Jiwon, even as their family grew, and he grew closer to the other members. When Chanwoo joined, he felt for a few moments what Jiwon surely must have felt when Junhoe had joined, an intruder. But Chanwoo ended up complimenting them perfectly, and Junhoe quickly grew to love him.

He knew he was being unfair to Jiwon, knew that Jiwon loved him. It was evident from the way Jiwon would bring him snacks when he was stressed, and would give him gentle words of encouragement when practice got the better of him. But the thorn was stuck tight. It was obvious to Junhoe that Jiwon was confused. He could see the flash of confusion and hurt in Jiwon’s eyes whenever he rejected him. 

Junhoe closed in on himself. He didn’t distance himself from anyone other than Jiwon, but he didn’t exactly share his deep thoughts with anyone either. Jinhwan tried to pry things out of him, but Junhoe resisted, and eventually the older gave up. Junhoe still spent most of his time with Jinhwan, but distracted him with practicing their singing, recording covers, and anything he could to avoid the topic of Jiwon.

It wasn’t like Jiwon was the only thing he thought about. He could go days without thinking about it. Those were mostly the days when Jiwon was buried in the studio with Hanbin. They’d go days without seeing each other except in passing, and at dance practice, which was often brutal enough to leave Junhoe too exhausted to think about much at all. 

And there he was, sprawled on the floor of the practice room, chest heaving, moments after Hanbin had called for a break. A water bottle was set next to his head, and he looked up to find Jiwon staring down at him. 

“Thanks,” he grunted, sitting up and uncapping the bottle, downing half of it in one swallow. 

“No problem,” Jiwon answered. He hesitated for a moment, as though he was going to sit next to Junhoe, but instead he frowned slightly, and went to sit by Hanbin, another bottle in his hand. Junhoe felt the thorn dig a little deeper, and he wasn’t sure why. But somehow he knew it was his own fault. 

Once they moved into their new dorms, Junhoe spent a lot of time in his room, his poetry book open in front of him. He shared some on his instagram, even more he sent to Hanbin, but there were a few that he kept to himself. Ones about love and longing. Deep down he knew who they were for, but he kept those thoughts buried deep where they couldn’t hurt him.

And so, things in his life stagnated. He was restless, and turned to the gym to relieve some of the stress of everything that swirled around him. He couldn’t help but notice the way Jiwon looked at him as he filled out, eyes a little wider every time. It made his heart thump in that weird way he refused to acknowledge. He buried it deep down where he hoped he’d never find it.

It was amazing, really, how good Junhoe was at hiding his inner turmoil. None of his members seemed to notice anything wrong. He remained their annoying noise maker, equally loved and irritated at. The older members doted on him, and Chanwoo tolerated him with a roll of his eyes. The only one who looked at him any different was Jiwon, but Junhoe purposely didn’t look his way.

It was late one night, when Junhoe was just about asleep, that a soft knock came at his door. He considered ignoring it, literal moments from sleep. But, something inside him wouldn’t let him. 

“Come in,” he croaked, opening his eyes to see who it was. The door creaked slightly as it opened, and Jiwon stood in the doorway. Junhoe’s heart thumped. 

Jiwon stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him, with a soft click. He padded over to Junhoe’s bed, and crawled in next to Junhoe, who was too shocked to protest. Jiwon slid closer until his knees brushed Junhoe’s.

“What did I do?” he asked quietly.

“What?” Junhoe asked, confused.

“To make you hate me so much,” Jiwon clarified, and Junhoe could see the hurt in his eyes. 

“I don’t hate you Jiwon,” Junhoe breathed.

“Please don’t lie to me,” Jiwon said, voice vulnerable. 

“I’m not lying to you, I swear,” Junhoe said, unconsciously setting his hand on Jiwon’s side.

“Then why are you like this towards me?” Jiwon asked, sounding near to tears.

“I’m sorry, it’s me,” Junhoe whispered.

“Talk to me,” Jiwon demanded.

“Do you remember when I first joined the team?” Junhoe asked softly.

Jiwon nodded.

“I could tell you didn’t like me,” Junhoe said.

“That was so long ago Junhoe,” Jiwon protested. “And I didn’t hate you. I was just scared of the change, scared you would mess up what we had going. But you didn’t, you’ve added to our team, and I’m sorry that I ever made you feel bad.”

Jiwon is closer now, forehead pressed to Junhoe’s. “I don’t hate you Jiwon, I swear I don’t. When I see you, I get this feeling like my heart is going to explode and it hurts, and I don’t know what to do with it.”

Jiwon’s laugh huffed hot air across Junhoe’s face. “Oh Junhoe,” he laughed.

“What?” Junhoe asked defensively.

“That’s called love,” Jiwon said, pulling Junhoe closer.

And the gears clicked in place for Junhoe. The poems, the sadness when Jiwon wasn’t around. He’d spent the last years convincing himself that Jiwon had hurt him, just to hide the fact that he was in love with him. Perhaps he’d been in love with him since he first saw him. He didn’t know.

And now, Jiwon was here, in his bed, pressed so close they felt like one, and Junhoe couldn’t help it. He tipped his face up until his lips brushed Jiwon’s lightly. At once his heart rate tripled, and he went to pull back, but Jiwon merely pulled him back, kissing him more firmly. His hand cradled Junhoe’s face and he kissed him again and again, until Junhoe was calm and compliant in his arms, kissing him back. 

“I love you too Junhoe,” he whispered between kisses. Junhoe clung to him, hands fisted in Jiwon’s shirt. 

“Don’t leave me,” Junhoe whispered back.

“I won’t. Not ever,” Jiwon promised, before he kissed Junhoe softly one more time. He pulled Junhoe so his head was resting against his chest, and kissed the top of his head. 

“Sleep now,” Jiwon said, stroking his fingers through Junhoe’s hair. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”

“Okay,” Junhoe mumbled, well on his way to falling asleep, the thorn in his heart gone, and content in the knowledge that he was loved.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, sorry i've disappeared, life has been an adventure, please enjoy!


End file.
